Obsessed

kurt cobain..


One of the greatest musicians to ever have walked on the planet.. i know many would disagree with me.. they say he was a potential psychopath and nirvana was all about grunge and punk and are the direct descendants of the sex pistols.. In a way yes they are.. and im not a big fan of punk music and its not kurts music which had me captivated .. ill tell you honestly the first track that i heard of nirvana was "rape me" .. and i was like "grose this band is so gay.. " but i happened to come across a review on the book called the beautiful boy and in it there were references given about Jim Morrison (my all time favourite) and then there was kurt cobain.. ..i could not make out on what basis kurt cobain was mentioned there and had always seen him as a wrong sort of individual who was full of negativity.. i quickly ran upon the pages to learn more about him.. and that was something which to this date i have not regretted.. besides what i write in my blog ,i write a lot on paper (which is my personal of course and i have no intentions of blabbing it public) .. and it is not writing alone i do.. i do it in a different way.. it may be a letter or a cartoon drawing emulating a situation which might have happened or what i exaggerate from it.. it is what i love doing ..i write or draw stuffs which comes in my mind which generally would be something that i wanted to say to someone but cannot due to some reason ..  i put it on paper so that i can go through it and relive the moment.. to my utmost horror i came across similar sort of writing and drawings that i do.. in kurt cobains journals.. the deeper i went into the journal the more i found myself.. i cannot explain that experience it was rather skeptical i should say.. and i did not like it as a matter of fact.. well its not easy when you find out you are almost like this dude who was psychotic and took his own life firing a shotgun at himself.. i felt so sick when i read his stuff.. but then i must admit i took a dive into the deep end of my head .. i simply wanted to know more about cobain and so here my journey began.. i spent hours looking up the net .. looking up his biographys.. browsing through the ROCK 'N' ROLL hall of fame.. but i never got his exact journals ..just bits and pieces from here and there..which i had to bring together and assume from it..  there were some qualities of kurt which i admire .. he could bring onto his tongue what came into his head irrespective of the surrounding and he could live with it.. well man is a social animal but he was of a different breed.. there are lines in his journals where he lets out his frustration in a way that you could see that he was hating the fact that people took him in a wrong way and not in the way he wanted them to see him.. well thinking about it there were several instances in stuffs that i have written which proves a similar story as that of kurts and.. when i saw that he had used the same words as i have it really gave me goosebumps.. at last i came onto his suicide note which he wrote addressed to "boodha" .. i still wonder why he did that.. at the end he winds up saying I LOVE YOU.. I LOVE YOU.. a similar undertone that i used in most of the letters that i had written which again provided a knot in my stomach .. literally i became so obsessed about him that i had his posters and his pictures all over my wall and i have "smells like teen spirit" as my ringtone .. there is a part of me which is scared to get hold of the full subscription of the kurt cobain journals and there is the other part which is dying to see what more he has written.. He really was someone whom i would call a free thinker .. john lennon was successful and i dare say kurt cobain would have taken over lennon had he lived longer.. but his works and his writings still live on..