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Its winter.. another holiday season is just around the corner.. a time for laughter and joy and celebrations beckon us , for it sure is that time of the year. For the first time in my 20 or so years of knowing, i have never had a Christmas season as miserable as this. I just dont seem to have a reason to celebrate.. forget the reason.. who should i be celebrating this with?? myself??? , technically there is no one around. 2010 has been a year to forget for me.. a year which i honestly wish never even occurred  in the calender . It sure has been a dry slow year for me, a year full of pain, frustration , negativity , chaos and what not.. literally through out the year, i have been walking under dark clouds which just refused to leave me. Everything i touched turned to sand and every good deed i did turned into another mistake. Since college in august which never was a pretty experience to be honest, i found myself sulking in the far corner of my room for long 6 months.. i had feared if this was my demise .. later i figured that its just the beginning , but the beginning to my what??? to my end??? im not sure.. they say that everybody will have a bad phase in their life and if this is mine im afraid this just came at the wrong time.. im just too inexperienced to be facing this now.. its not fair is it??? i haven't even started my race and im already on my tummy???.  Just yesterday i made a list of things which went wrong this whole year.. and i began writing.. not even half way through the list i figured writing down things that went right for me would have been a much more easier option.. people tell me im making too much out of this issue and im just exaggerating stuff and blowing it big and making it worse.. well these people dont understand what iam going through and they have no clue too.. im not someone who exaggerates on stuffs which are so delicate as this.. what could be more delicate than my family and my relations.. for what iam going trough right now is compromising on all the soft and nimble stuffs lying around me.. i tried to gather as much positive thoughts as i could from everyone around me .. i have tried almost everything .. but i must admit it has all been in wain.. what kind of positive thought will help you when you are in a room with the walls closing in from all the 6 sides of the cube???.. what makes it even more pathetic is that you have tried almost every possible solution for it .. you have done your part and everything you could possibly do to make things right for you but fate keeps dragging you away from your destiny.. i would compare my present situation into being in quick sand.. you are sinking slowly but the more you try to wriggle look for help  or try to pull your self back up the more and the faster you sink.. this is a terrible feeling and i can almost feel how it would feel like to be a person stuck in quick sand, gasping for his last breath before he gets engulfed. There is nothing more that i can do, except for to stay focused and pray and hope for a divine intervention.. for i still believe .. what is bitter today will end up sweet tomorrow.. 

amen