im sorry mom

A year has gone so fast and it gives me a heavy feeling when i look back at the fact that i passed out of college last year.. It was in 2010 and this is 2011.. I'am still the same me but the world around me has changed so much, they say that change is inevitable and so it is so.. For the past 6 months i saw friends finding their dreams, settling down , moving on with the next phase of their life and give the people around them a reason to smile about. (sigh) and me..i have not yet found what i really want to be in life.. there is nothing that i love more in particular i should say rather and that has made it even more difficult for me.. I have not yet stroked the chord and all my life i have just kept on changing my passion for glory.. when i look at all my medals and the trophies in the showcase that i won as a student , deep inside i wished if i could trade them all to know that very one thing.. "what i really wanted to be". I was an athlete , i was a footballer , i was a rock star, i have been the chairperson and the coordinator of almost all the events that i have come across in school and college but none of that counts now.. not anymore.. when it has come to aspiring dreams, my first step has begun in "failure" ... everyday i watch my mother leave for work with that same determined brave face that she has kept for the past 20 years i have known her , for all i know she has been perfect in her life, a sheer hard worker and an ultimate perfectionist who slogs like anything.. For someone like her to see me the way i have spent these early stages of my life must have been tough.. As another year has arrived and 2010 being the one for me to forget , i silently pray "god help me make my mom proud".. i love her.. and for today... Im sorry.